It’s happened to me before. When I was getting married my family offered to throw me a bridal shower. And then my husband’s family offered to throw me one as well in a different part of the state. With so many etiquette rules and fussiness surrounding weddings, you may be in a similar position of wondering if it’s okay to have multiple bridal showers.
The definitive answer is that you can have more than one bridal shower if there isn’t an overlap in the guest list.
For example, if your side of the family attends one in one area and your partner’s family living in another area has one local to them, this is a perfectly acceptable reason to have two showers.
Keep reading to learn more about why this is okay and how to do it.
Is it okay to have more than one bridal shower?
Not only is this an acceptable practice among today’s brides, it’s Emily Post and Martha Stewart approved. You know I am often telling you to ignore those birds if their advice is harmful or outdated. But in this case the proper etiquette is still relevant. And it makes sense! Sometimes there are valid reasons to have multiple showers in celebration of the bride (and groom!)
I talked to one bride who had multiple showers because she had moved across the country to be with her fiancé and it made sense for them to have a shower in each location.
My best friend and maid of honor in LA offered to host a wedding shower for us for our friend group. And my mom and aunt hosted a bridal shower for me back in my hometown of Lowell, Massachusetts. It was a great excuse to travel back home before the wedding and plan the parts of the wedding my mom was helping with in person.Polly T.
What is a bridal shower for?
Traditionally a bridal shower is to “shower” the bride with gifts for her new home before her wedding. While the concept is a little outdated and patriarchal, many brides still adhere to the practice of celebrating the bride with a special party leading up to the wedding.
Many couples have ditched the “bridal” part and have a wedding or couples shower instead. Which is the same concept of “showering” the couple with gifts for their new home, but a less-gendered approach.
You can read more about bridal showers and what you need to know before you have them in my basics of bridal showers.
When is it acceptable to have two bridal showers?
The most common reason to have two showers is if there are groups of guests that live far apart from each other. Most people won’t travel more than 2-3 hours for a bridal shower unless they are very close to the couple getting married.
This was the reason in my case. I live outside of New York City and my entire family is from that area as well. My husband is from Upstate New York, about 5-6 hours away. So it made sense for my family to host a shower near where I lived. And his family wanted to celebrate and attend a shower as well near them. So they hosted a second shower in Upstate New York.
The only overlap in the guestlist was my parents. They hadn’t actually met my husband’s parents yet at the time. So it was a perfect excuse for them to make the trip and meet the family I was joining in marriage.
Some other reasons to have two showers, not related to families living far apart, would be if your parents are divorced and the divorced parties don’t want to celebrate together, or if you’d like to have a friends-focused and family-focused bridal showers, or if there are two brides.
In the first scenario, it’s sad but true that many people’s families just don’t get along. Especially after a divorce. If it’s going to be a unenjoyable experience to have both families together for an intimate party, then consider having two showers and letting a member of each group host the party.
In the second situation, you might want to have a more hip shower with your friends at a restaurant. And then a traditional shower with your family at your Aunt’s house. It’s totally okay to have two showers if two people are willing to host them for the different groups. Again, just don’t overlap the guest list.
And lastly, it is of course acceptable to have a shower for each bride if the marriage is between two women. Each bride deserves her own spotlight if you want to have more than one shower. You could also combine into one bridal shower that celebrates both brides, just like a wedding or couples shower would. But you don’t have to if you want to have your own dedicated shower with separate guest lists.
When is it not acceptable to have two bridal showers?
It generally isn’t acceptable to have two showers just because two people want to host it for you. If two people have offered to host, but the guest lists could easily intermingle and overlap ask them to work together on one shower instead. It’s perfectly okay to have two hosts for the same event. After two heads are better than one!
Read more about what to do if you have two maids of honor here.
Can you have three or more wedding showers?
You can have multiple wedding showers, even more than two, if there’s a similar reason to have that many bridal showers. For example, maybe you do have three location you call home between the two of you that would warrant three distinct showers. And three people have offered to host.
But really once you get beyond three or four, it sounds more like a band tour for you and not the best way to be spending your time and funds leading up to the wedding. Consider telling your friends and family in remote areas that you can’t wait to see them at the wedding instead of having a shower in their area. Or consider having a virtual shower for all of your guests to attend.
Is it okay to have more than one wedding or couples shower too?
Yes, it’s definitely okay to have more than one shower, even if it’s a less-gendered wedding shower or couples shower. You’re celebrating for the same reason. Again, what makes it acceptable is if you don’t have an overlap in guests.
Looking for further reading on bridal and wedding showers? Read how much it costs and why it pays to learn more about hosting a bridal shower. And get some food ideas to help with planning here.